Being good in not good in anything~

get wad i mean? sighz... just wenta play badminton.. and wad turned out of it.. today i played more actively and more games compared to last wk.. and i even manage to play a single match with one gal.. trashed. 11-0. sort of waked me up... i've been active in so many things.. yet i dun hav one that i'm really gd in.. NONE. really.. the onli thing i'm gd in is probably knowing abit of most things.. wad so sad.. then i think somemore.. mayb that's why i dun excel in anything, my interests are too diverse... mayb if i can focus.. then i wld finally excel in something.. hahaha but i'm just not kinda person.. so oh well.. i might just be in this way till the end of my life....

how mean?

just now, i past by the train station, there's this lady, who lives there.. alwaes at the corner of the entrance of the train station, i notice her everytime i past by, nevered stop to say hello( like y wld i do that?) or never gave her any money either(well she doesn't actually put out something to ask pple for it aniwae).. she just usually sits there, with a cap and sunglasses, and her luggage.. not lookin at anyone, just being there by herself.. then there was this grp of well.. look like "well-off" 50s... who walked past her.. n one of the them (a guy specifically) pointed her out to the rest of the grp, said something in foreign language (they are caucasians) and the whole grp laffed out loud.. n the lady just continued sitting there.. not giving any response.. maybe she's use to it.. for this few years i've been around the city, she's been there as well.. probably this is not her first time.. but i pitied her. i really condemn those grp of pple that laffed.. it's not funny, at all. it's just like u have food in your hands and you laugh at those who are dying of hunger in africa. it may or may not be the lady's fault who ended her up in the streets, but she's already in a pathetic enough situation... on the other hand.. if she hasn't done anything to help herself either then that's her prob.. why laugh... i condemn those grp of pple. sighz.. wadz wrong with this world...

just read kuan's and fang's blog.. both.. look depressing. it's even more depressing to me, as a friend and i cld not b there when frenz need help. i hope they'll b alright...but i guess life's this way, u meet obstacles on the way.. sometimes ur frenz are there to help u pass it, sometimes u hav to go thru them yaself...

aniwae.. need ta go off to badminton now... write somemore if i got more to say later...

to kuan: thx for saying i'm a gd gal.. but no spelling test thankew.. i probably cannot take the hit of failing it =P

riding under a rainbow gate....

just came back from a short table tennis/badminton session... learnt table tennis for like wad.. 4 lessons in pri 3.. then too lazy to wake up at 8am in the morning.. and thus dropping out of it.. hahah the guys that taught wasn't the coach.. but he's just good.. ahhaha so suppose to teach me this kinda beginner.. so no need to trouble the coach lah... then after that, realise my friends are playing just next to the table tennis club.. so after club activity finish. .go kachow kachow.. ahhaha.. stroke a few times.. feel that my body is so stiff.. lack of stamina.. omg.. wish i can b young and energetic again.. (yes i'm trying to say i'm old (i can hardly stay up 24hrs and b hyper the next day) and realli abit outta energy) while on the way back home.. it was sunny on one side and really cloudy/rainy towards the city side where i'm heading towards.. and looking up... i saw this BIG ARCH of rainbow in front.. hahaha the scene looks abit like playing tv game.. me being the thingy that i usually control in the game.. and there are these arcs of gates made out of rainbow colour.. so duh rite.... pple alwaes say if u find the starting point of the rainbow, you'll find a pot of gold.. but hahah that will never happen...natural phenomenones (how the heck do u spell that again?) are just amazing things aren't they.. again remindin us just how 渺小 we are...

random post outta no where... hahah rem the post i did earlier on.. well winnie read it.. woops.. i didn't purposely write it for her to see.. but then i kinda forgot that she's the onli 1 in aus that hav my blog add =P 因禍得福? we kinda tok abt it a little.. at least.. what i wanna say.. is said.. i shall try to speak up more i guess... as for between winnie n cindy.. i dunno.. guess have to wait till later when the 3 of us can sit down and tok tok..

enjoying uni (for once) and the fight?

wk 3 just passed.. and... i seem to be enjoying uni, at least on wed... my schedule now is pretty full.. not bcos of work but bcos of the club activities i'm participating in... on wed, i had the jap cultural club's conversational workshop, where native jap pple teach you how to speak jap.. and it was an enjoyable 2 hrs... it was just abt making frenz, joking ard and learning a new lang at the same time.. =D

well now abt the fight.. hrmz.. well firstly i must announce that my dislike towards my, as know to many here, irritating hsemate is improving.. i think cos i no longer do the same subjs as her, i'm relieved of the stress that i naturally generate.. no more competition, no more stress.. thus the "fight" is between winnie and my rmmate...mostly bcos winnie is stern on her words when she scold my rmmate and my rmmate finally is collapsing with winnie's attitude and calculative-ness...

打不過而退縮是一種寵壞別人的行為嗎? i'm kinda stuck in the middle.. part of me do side with winnie, but part of me actually side with my rmmate as well.. but the prob is.. i'm not as fierce (in a sense) and "stand up for myself" kinda person compared to winnie... sometimes even if i voice up.. i stil lose... thus sometimes issues come up but i jus giv up on tokin abt it.. or even scared that if i fight with her.. would i cause her to fall back into depression? or am i just worrying too much? as my rmmate(ok yea. time to learn her name, cindy) says that i'm spoiling her... sighz.. wad a mess...

i didn't realli elaborate on wad are the actual incidence that happen.. cos there are quite a few.. and just too tedious to describe them the proper way so u all get the whole picture.. i stil lack the language skills to express myself properly...

tagged by kuan...

Four things/people that make me smile:
-ice cream (coffee, green tea and macademia favours)
-my friends.. just hanging out.. chatting.. laffing abt anything
-less sufferings, less war, less destruction to the earth
-being able to enjoy sports, games all the time.. no matter young or old. =D

Four ways to win my heart:
-be sincere
-be honest
-sporty
-able to protect me when needed, advise me when i need it.. etc

Four things I believe in:
-that the earth is round. hahaha.. just being lame.. erh.. pple can be gd or bad, nobody is born to be nice/evil, it's just the way you live ya life.
-pple won't know/treasure wad they hav till they dun hav it anymore
-humans are weak n complex
-money is a necessity (currently).. yes i noe how pple say money cannot buy everything.. but without it in the current world.. it's difficult to survive.. (just being practical)

Four things I am afraid of:
-SPIDERS + ALL KINDA BUGS + COCKROACH + LIZARD + anithing that looks creepy
-losing my loved ones, family, friends
-losing trust frm my friends and family
-the dark side that everyone possesses...

Four things I do everyday:
-breathe
-feel my own presence in the world
-think why the heck m i here.. wad is defined as being alive.
-think abt all kinda weird stuff.

Four things/people I want to see now:
-God (to really believe that he exist, and ask tons of questions)
-anything astronomical, meteor shower, even just a meteor, aurora...
-everyone being happy and healthy
-a job saying they want me to work for them.

i'm not gonna tag anyone.. ahhaha since kuan say this is for me to post so i can stop saying how stress i am.. hahaha anyway.. most pple that reads this already gonna tag before.. so no point they do again.. hahah.. so much time meh... anyway.. shld go back to do work.. didn't touch a single piece of work since yesterday after uni.. tsk tsk....

retainers... and 電車男

hrmm.. just got my retainers today.. they are. uncomfortable... i hav to hav them on for the next 3 months, day and night.. i can't tok properly (and somehow gav me some weird accent according to my fren).. you know those protectors pple put on during boxing.. it feels something like those... i have to take them out when i eat.. and i just realise i can't even drink pearl milk tea properly with them inside.. as it's really wires connecting to a "plate" so the plates kinda stop me from feeling what i have in the mouth...

somehow.. i felt that things that are happening ard me or on me are sending this msg abt treasuring things while i have them.. studies, friends, being able to brush my teeth again without the metals, and now actually able to speak properly and drink bubble tea without having a weird feeling in the mouth...

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i just watched 電車男... yea.. i'm outdated.. as usual.. this movie think was a hit ages ago.. maybe some of u have yet to watch it.. since u all are more into western entertainment.. so i will do a quick summary.. basically was abt this guy.. who's like a geek.. low self-confidence, dressing code is bad, hangs out at places in japan that's equivalent to sim lim sq, works as IT support in office.. isolated and lonly.. he's also on the online forums.. and there was once he met this lady in the train.. and helped her when she got disturbed by drunk on the train.. he posted the chain of events that follow on the forums.. and slowly.. more and more online people took notice of his posts.. esp. quite a few main ones that often posted/commented to his posts, supporting him.. giving him ideas about going after this lady...

it was just a touching story.. i don't know is it really a true story since the dvd box actually put down a "true love story" on the cover.. i kinda hope that it's true.. as it does remind people like me.. who's super paranoid over pple who hides behind their avatars, nicks and rants on online.. i use to feel that they're detached from real life.. unable to interact.. and even build a new personality of themselves online... that sometimes the dramatic stories online can actually be true, and pple who helps.. are really helping... not just mocking them in a way.. it was like a small community of friends he had online.. he cld tok to them.. it just feels gd to see things like this happening.. as most of the big forums now.. just have too many pple.. pple who are just there to frus and throw out whatever anger they hav at real life into the virtual world (actualli i rather they do that then to do anything stupid in real life).. but just doesn't provide the cosy feeling... the movie also made me felt like i shldn't judge pple by their looks which i do... i see a shabby person and the image just comes as.. urghz.. they don't even bother to present themselves properly and wad not that kinda thing.. yes.. it's a horrible quality.. and i noe i shldn't do that.. but somethings are difficult to change... really not a bad movie.. and i recommend it to u guys~

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then again.. i wanna add something to this entry.. hahaha some of my friends stil do visit.. at long intervals.. n one of them actually said that my writing is improving.. hrm. i read back a few blogs back.. got improve meh? hahah really compared to other pple i somehow stil think my writing stil lack gd quality.. dunno.. i read others blogs.. somehow they write it.. even small little things.. can seem interesting.. things that wld have been difficult for me to express and they just present it out and i cld picture the whole situation in my head.. i guess that's why i won't ever end up in a career in writing.. since i lack the talent in that field...

2nd wk of semester passed.. i was just being over-nervous for the experiment as everything went pretty well the next day.. it's just that i having trouble in preservering in working consistently on my lectures again.. hrm. guess it's my compulsiveness that's making me feel that way. like for 1 lecture, i wanna make sure i got all notes possible down from the lecturer, check through the recording again to ensure nothing is omitted, then read the textbk reference again to make sure some impt points are added in as well and write a NEAT summary on it for easy studying. that doesn't take 1 hr to do.. so for 1 lecture i spend at least 3-4 hrs working on it.. which really isn't very efficient.. but when i try to force myself not to be so picky over being neat and complete.. i feel uncomfortable, i cldn't study, i just feel like i didn't complete the whole sequence... ahhaha guess this is wad they call ocd (obsessive-compulsive disorder).. dunno wad to do.. hahah oh ya.. n i yet to do the tag thing. woops.. hahah do now do now... =P

tired. n hit by unwanted comments.

monday.

jap is first lesson!!! yEAHHH.. how exciting as usual.. but then when need to practise dialogue.. noboday wanna do it with me. sad case.. so i tok to myself.. hahaha

med chem. erh.. excuse me.. wad the heck are u trying to say mr. lecturer?

bio chem. die mayb my brain is dysfunctioned... why can't i get wad is he trying to say either?

aniwae.. after that spent the afternoon in lib trying quite hard to research on something that i'm not sure of... hahha.a. then wanted to get it doubled checked with the demostrator as i would hav to conduct an expt with wad i developed with my research materials.. so i patiently waited to 5pm (my class end at 2pm, did research till 3pm) to tok to my demostrator.. and she chased me home.. guranteeing that 100% everything will just on well tml.. but i'm stil paranoided. thus explaining why the hell i'm awake at this hr.

so quite disappointed with my demo's ans.. but wad can i do.. so i went to table tennis club and play ping pong.. while stil worrying abt how my experiment going to b tml.. a call came.. from my 3rd year coursemate A..
A: "Heyyy.. do you know about pharmacokinetics.. and the proj we had to do...."
Me: "erh.. i don't do any other 3rd yr subj other than med chem??"
A: "ohhh.. ya... sorry... bye!"
after the phone call.. once again reminded of wad a failure i am.. gettin retained...
then after an hr.. 3rd year coursemate B called...
B: "heyyy.. did A call you? you know abt pharmacokinetics..."
Me: "erh.. i don't do any other 3rd yr subj other than med chem??"
B: "oh.. right.. sorry.. bye!"
yes.. i noe A and B didn't do it on purpose.. and actually more like out of gd startin pt of trying to info me of something impt abt studying.. but BOTH of them already knew that i'm not doing any other subj other than med chem even before this... it's just the equivalent of there's this party going on.. and frenz are calling ard to spread some additional info of the party.. and u're not invited. hrm. this 2 calls just combined together and poked me right where it hurts... i dunno.. but it's jus weird.. upset me for awhile.. but i've kinda recovered...

i've just decided to call myself a yr 2. i dun really care animore.. since it's easier to act like i just started on something then to actually tell other pple i'm 3rd yr but not really 3rd yr.

oh ya. i came to do the thing that kuan tag me on. ahhaha.. shall delay it to tml~ =P

I've been a gd gal... for the afternoon..

OOPSS.. ok.. due to HORRIBLE MEMORY (which is stil rapidly deteriorating).. i shall add to my list...

ALL THANKS AND LOVE TO MAGGIE too~ hahaha as a loyal and rather silent (as compared to miss kuan[not that i'm saying silent or loud is bad]) supporter n reader to my whinings..

well i dunno.. i'm not trying to exhibit my life or something.. i just thot frenz who mite b interested in wadz happening in each other lifes.. esp when we're far apart.. but i do get the idea that it does get boring reading someone's daily happenings when most of the time she's just whining abt her bf (not that i really do it here), her studies (muahahha fav subj eh..).. blah.. but aniway, i do realise that i myself is a reader of my own blog... i do read back on entries.. laffin at how silly i am.. lookin at myself evolve.. it's a kinda weird exp at times.. hahaha

aniway.. didn't come online to write abt all this rubbish. hahah i'm here to show off. hahha show off wad? that i've been a gd gal and went thru all 4 biochem lectures that i had in wk 1 this afternoon!!! and i didn't touch my jap at all!! (see, during the 1st wk, i was SUPER reluntant to touch biochem,, and ended up spending most of my time on jap.. ) n i realli think it's a achievement for someone like me who hates biochem to the core...

i also felt kinda glad that i didn't manage to overload, as at first i was jealous that my frens were all happily doing 3rd yr subj.. but they've got so much to do.. OMG. so i guess i shld take things slowly and not rush things that are not meant to b rushed.

wkend of sem 1

phew.. 1 wk have passed.. and it feels like i need to do so much work.. med chem need a research on expt by tues, biochem has like 4 lectures to go thru.. and jap.. dozens of vocab and words to recognise.. hrm. and i've yet to b full on on my activities like how i haven start on my wing chun and not going to badminton club activities yet.. sighz. feel like doing so much.. yet seem like a lack of time.. mayb i'm spending too much time procrastinating again...

sighz. looking for a job at the same time.. got turned down for at least on 5 occasions.. i'm stil jobless. SIAN. i shall try harder.. hrm.. stil haven got the guts to call up the hospital to ask. raWr. irritated. (at the same time i'm typing this, some irritating mosquitoe, i think the same old one that's been feeding on my blood for the past 1 month has had a sumptious meal.. causing me to itch all over.. adding to the irritatedness.. )

anyway... 1 gd thing is that.. my braces are OFFF!! i've got straight teeth now~~ =D wahahha... only gettin my retainers next wk.. so i hav 1 wk off everything.. juz teeth and me.. i brushed my teeth after the appointment.. and brushing had never been so enjoyable.. when u can actually feel the brush on the teeth. OMG.. hahaha how i missed that feeling... i've got my old impressions on my teeth before the braces.. look so different AHHH.. and my teeth seem to b bigger too. hahha mayb cos previously with braces, nearly 1/2 of it is covered by metal.. lalala

i'm trying to b motivated to work hard. tml got studying session.. jia you jia you~ i mUST NOT FAIL!

ps. ALL LOVE N THANKS TO KUAN who constantly supports my blog.. and listen to me whine. hahahaha..

semester 1... am i a yr 2 or yr 3.

yO pple (i actually wonder if its really pple.. cos i seem to only get comments frm kuan, who cares....) anyway... yup.. semester 1 2006 started alreadY... i'm officially enrolled in the following subjects
1 - Biochemistry for Pharmacy (a must pass. dun pass = DIE.)
2 - Medicinal Chemistry 3A (a must pass. dun pass = no uni for sem 2 = DIE.)
3 - Japanese 1A (faaVVV subj of all.. hahaha results doesn't really matter but i wanna score)
and i'm officially in the following clubs
1 - Wing Chun (not really a club since it's not associated with uni)
2 - St John
3 - Malaysian society in UNSW
4 - Badminton
5 - Table Tennis
6 - Jap culture appreciation club (beneficial to my jap learning)
7 - pharmacy associationg (never ever go to events just hang ard for discounts in bks)
hahahah quite alot hor.. but since i wanna make this yr as fun and happy as possible.. (i really do think my uni life is very sad... i dun realli noe alot of pple.. and even if i meet pple, they are mostly international students.. so i wanna meet more pple!!!)

at the same time i wanna look for job.. and relieve some stress off my mom..

there was this wkend it was intense club activity.. evening was with jap cultural club.. then night was karaoke with malaysian club pple then next morning bbq with malaysian club again.. oMG. i was so sick of introducing myself at the end of the chain of events...

but i did meet a bit of new pple.. and i found out something interesting..
Why Kangaroos are called Kangaroos? (frm my new aus fren)
there was the time.. when the english just landed on Australia (then just inhibited by Aboriginals).. and this scientist was walking ard, and saw an animal (which is the animal that we call kangaroo) and he went to ask the locals, i.e. the Aboriginals.. "What is that animal called?" and the local answered "Kangaroo" thus.. Kangaroos are called Kangaroos.. the funny part is that.. actually in Aboriginal language, "kangaroo" means "i dunno wad are u toking abt" HAHHAHAHAHA was nice meeting new pple.. but not like wad i did la.. hahah aniwae..

uni started.. and the first few days was kinda miserable.. seeing all my frens in 3rd yr (fully 3rd yr subj) and me.. seemingly left out.. seemingly more stupid since i failed. OMG. i was in such a horrible state then.. sighz... and i'm stil struggling.. so now.. if i go out to look for job.. wad do i tell them? am i a yr 2 student (cos i dun really hav 3rd yr subjs) or a yr 3 student (but i really not going to learn much abt 3rd yr stuff.) i always hav the feeling that the employers wldn't want me.. as i failed something. that shows that i'm incapable of achieving.. i may b a lazy person even.. and they dun wanna employ me.. i shld b looking for jobs at pharmacies.. but i think the pharmacist wldn't want me as well. *struggles* sigh.. dunno how long then i can get over this. sickening.. lookin at the bright side of things though is that i'm really enjoying my jap classes.. but it's pretty intense as well. i hope with a lower work load.. i will b able to achieve better scores. sighz.