I don't know... I think I hate myself...

WeLL... after the depressing blog last time.. i just have more bad news for myself that i've been so... inefficient in lookin for the counsellor.. till now i haven seen anione yet.. though i know i seriousli need help...

dunno why.. i have a feeling that some person(i dunno who...just a feeling k.) reading this wld feel that i trying to draw attention... gain pity... and seriousli i just wanna clarify that i'm not. think my blog is a place where i vent my frustration... whines... and blah blah.. and if this hRm.. weighs you down and makes you feel more depress, stop reading ok.

my psychological health is deteriorating... and i realise with the stress of the uni life.. i can no longer cope with my past, and even myself.. i dunno where am i heading to, wad am i becoming.. i seem to hav lost my identity. but i will sort it out soon, i hope...

in addition, i'm currentli looking ard for a new place for next yr, just gettin an idea and not realli moving to aniwhere with my very very first rmmate in australia, winnie... she's someone who i confides to here, even more then i tok to derek... my current best fren i can say... i hope that next yr, living with her... i would.. feel more at home, when i'm at home.. if u get wad i trying to say.. hahaha.. kinda confusing eh? it's just that this yr, i realli hav trouble living in the current apartment with my rmmate.. juz keeps on generating negative feelings... but with winnie.. it's different, i dunno... now we're like.. discussing how we wanna keep the place clean and blah blah next time.. looking forward to it.. new life next yr.. hopefully.. and wan to sort out my irritating problems by next yr too.. hahaha

blog next time.. tired.. gotta slp.. gd nite dudes... thankz for being there for me when i need you dudes ;)

Er.

ok... to pple who keep on checking back for updates... this is a BIG SORRY FROM ME... SORRY SORRY!!...

guess u've been waiting.. but i must say... i have so much to say but i'm too tired... i have... finalli collapsed... metally,emotionally collapsed...after a 3 yrs since 'that' incident(to those who are not involved. forget it. dun ask me abt it. it SUCKED. to those who are involved,that's the thing that's affecting me)

this is affecting me so much, today i realli had the thot of jumping down the train rails, walking out onto the road and stand there. serious. not scaring u all.. i'm seeking help soon, from the sch counsellor. i wanna go psychologist.. do those.. hypnosis that make u forget stuff.. i dun wanna remember that incident animore... sorry dudes, i can't say animore.. i juz feel the tears coming back.. though my eyes are all dry now.. cried for 30mins today..URGHZ...

one last thing..: TO LAU YEE CHENG, i dun think u wld eva read these, but if someone decides to pass this to u.. U FREAKIN COWARD. U RUIN MY LIFE I WANNA STRANGLE U, KILL U. U DUN EVEN DARE SAY SORRY TO ME DIRECTLI.. U BLOODY IDIOT, DUN THINK RUNNIN BACK TO MSIA WILL SAVE U, SOMEDAY U WILL PAY, till mayb if i actualli attain the level of forgivesness(which the church gav an interesting definition: forgiveness means i will not hurt u for hurting me. sorry i have not reach that level yet.. till then, if u see me, RUN FOR YOU LIFE.)

i'm tired. i'm in a mess...